


Panic At the Disco: Phobias

by SnufflesWrites



Series: Whumptober 2020 [6]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Daddy Issues, Dysfunctional Family, Mommy Issues, Post-Canon, Whumptober 2020, speculative fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnufflesWrites/pseuds/SnufflesWrites
Summary: Lucifer recognizes many of his fears after God comes to Earth for a visit with his children. Set immediately after the cliffhanger in s5e8.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, God & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Mazikeen & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954798
Comments: 4
Kudos: 89





	Panic At the Disco: Phobias

Lucifer grasped the demon, shoving her into the closet. The Detective stood there frozen, staring at the gloves along the shelf. The door slammed behind them. Lucifer’s breath was still raspy, knowing that Father was still standing just outside. Still right _there_ after not having spoken to _anyone_ for a millenia. Whatever was bothering the demon took prescident right now. He wasn’t about to watch her make a charge on his Father for a bloody soul that she’d never have. 

The demon looked shaken. Her eyes stared daggers into the Detective’s pained expression. Good. Between the mess with the Detective, and the fea-inducing presence of his Father, maybe for once the demon would actually _listen_ instead of leaping forward with the knives she still held in her hand.

“Start talking,” Lucifer tried to taiper his voice so that it didn’t sound like a command, but the anger still burned the back of his throat.

“You never cared about us,” Maze crossed her arms.

“That’s not—”

“You hid her from us. She was our _Mother_ ,”

“She didn’t _want_ to be found, and was very clear on that point,”

“Your Father never wanted anything from you, but you still tried to please him for a millenia,” 

Lucifer grew silent. His looked toward the door, and felt the strange mix of fear, excitment, and hurt burn inside him all over again. She was comparing this situation to hers, when it was nothing alike. Lilith, while powerful in her own ways, was _nothing_ compared to his Father. 

“Mazikeen— Father and Lilith are in no way similar. Your mother—”

“NEVER speaks to us. Left us alone to fend for ourselves, in Hell. How doesn’t that resonate with you at _all_?! It’s exactly what _He_ did to you,”

“What Father did was worse!” Lucifer growled, millenia of rage suddenly came boiling back to the surface. “He tried to have me _killed_ , and when that didn’t work, he watched me suffer, to become a torturerer, something I _never_ wanted to be. And He did _nothing_ to help!”

“No one asked us if _we_ wanted to be torturerers.” Maze replied somber. “Or if we wanted souls. A family. We had no choice. This life was thrown onto us. Not a single demon ever led a rebellion,”

Lucifer laughed. “Did you forget about a few months back? How I had to return to Hell to bring order?”

“Because you abandoned them?” Mazikeen sneered. 

Lucifer froze.

“Like your ‘Father’ abandoned you?” she shook her head. “You were all they’d ever known Lucifer. The one good thing down in a world that would have otherwise torn them apart, and you just left,” her eyes fell to the Detective, “We were never good enough for you,”

Lucifer’s mouth opened. Then closed. 

Maze nodded. “That’s what I thought,” 

“Mazi—”

The door slammed shut behind her.

Lucifer drew his gaze back to the Detective. His heart pounding in his chest. Being with her was everything he’d desired, but somehow these past few days did nothing but highlight the largest truth of his existence.

He would fail her.

Like he failed his Mother, his Father, his siblings, and more recently the only beings that cared anything about him at all for thousands of years. Mazikeen was right, except for one thing; it wasn’t that the demons weren’t good enough for him, but that _he_ wasn’t good enough for _them_. 

Father’s voice echoed through the silence. Lucifer’s heart thundered too fast in his ears that he couldn’t catch the context of the converstaion between his siblings and Father. The ones who _belonged_ in Heaven. Together. Where he would never set foot again. 

_Lucifer stood by Said Out Bitch’s car in Hell, staring at the family he longed to rejoin, but knowing in his heart he didn’t deserve._

“Lucifer?” 

He jumped. A roll of caution tape fell from the shelf near where he stood.

“How are you over…” footsteps clicked on the concrete floor. He turned to see the Detective make her way towards him.”Are you okay?”

Lucifer’s gaze locked on the door again. He’d nearly told her…

“No.”

A hand touched the back of his arm gently, pulling his vision down to her.

“What happened with Amenadiel?”

“Michael got into his head. He blubbered on about how his son would grow up, and ended up freezing time,” 

He looked back to the door.

“Then what happened with Michael?” she squeezed his arm.

“We had a row.”

She sighed. He looked down to her again.

“Look. I know you’ve been through a lot these past few days. I’m… sorry if I pushed you too much. But Lucifer, whatever happened to you, I just want you to know that I’m here.” She grabbed his hand. “You’re not alone.”

Lucifer breathed out some of the tension still in his shoulders. This was too much. He needed space. He needed a drink. And a smoke. He touched the knob on the door. The bustle of activity outside made it impossible to pinpoint an individual voice. For all he knew they could still be out there.

Before the Detective could show any more signs of worry, Lucifer flung the door open.

“There you are,” Daniel looked at Chloe, then at Lucifer. His voice became tight. “I’ll uh… I… just wanted to say that I don’t mind picking up Pete’s paperwork if… if you wanted the night off. Er… Both of you…” he ran his hand through his hair.

“Thanks Dan, that’s really sweet,”

Daniel shrugged, eyes locking on Lucifer for a bit longer than usual. He still looked nervous as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Samael!”

Lucifer froze. Not daring to look behind him where that voice had come from.

“I wanted to speak with you son,”

The hand that gripped his loosened as he saw the Detective turn. Dan’s eyes grew wide, and his jaw fell open.

“You’re making the assumption that _I_ want to speak with _you_ ,” 

Without even a glance, Lucifer stormed towards the stairs, his heartbeat now causing a full blown headache as he resisted all urge to fly away. He pressed the button to the elevator, and felt a presence next to him. The tension in his shoulders returned, he didn’t look at whoever was there as he stepped in.

Silence followed even after he pressed the button and the doors closed.

His breathing stuttered, and he stood against the wall, as far away from the person beside him as he could be.

“I remember how you used to talk about him. I just thought you were weird then, but now… Lucifer, I don’t know exactly what happened between you two. But I do know that He hurt you. A lot. Just… like Dan did. Or I almost did. This is… its something that happens to you a lot huh?”

Lucifer laughed, and fought the water that began to well up in his eyes. 

“Since the dawn of time.”

“I understand.”

“How?” 

He threw up his hands. 

“How can you _possibly_ understand what it’s like Detective? To be burned every time you dare to care about someone? Because of _what_ you are? I never _asked_ for this! I never wanted this! But since the beggining of time that’s been my legacy! Why does He come to me _now_?! When He could’ve… He… should have…” his voice cracked, unable to complete the sentence that his Father should have helped him. Wasn’t that what parents were supposed to do after all? If he’d learned anything from the Detective’s parenting lessons it would be that.

The elevator opened.

“You deserve more.” The Detective brushed his cheek. “You want more. Don’t you?”

Desire. It was a pitiful thing that could drive a man to his doom. He’d always wanted more, sometimes he even convinced himself that he _did_ deserve more. But time had taught him a different lesson. How he ever managed to be lucky enough to draw the Detective’s affections he still couldn’t fathom.

He couldn’t respond in fear of even admitting how right she was.

“The fact that you’ve been hurt so much… and that… you can let _anyone_ in at all is amazing Lucifer. It means you haven’t lost faith,”

He huffed at the word. And opened his mouth to riff on it.

“Faith that things can turn around for you,”

He quieted at her correction.

“It can.” She smiled. “And… I think it already has. I mean you chose to come back to me. And… somehow, Amenadiel said you don’t need to go back to Hell,”

His hands began to tremble the smallest amount. Was she right? Could Father really be trying to make amends? Confusion laced with the anger that still bubbled within him.

“If He is trying to reach out it’s only because I’m somehow ‘better’ for whatever He has planned next.” 

He couldn’t admit his fears. Father took everything from him. His presence was a sign that Chloe might be next on His agenda. After all, Father seemed to enjoy watching humans suffer an eternal punishment, and *they* were his most precious creation. Where did that leave Lucifer? He looked over the Detective, studying her like it would be the last time he could. Maybe it was…

Looking away he tried to douse the thought from his mind. Under no circumstances could he ever hold on to that thought. Losing her now… after… 

His heart fluttered in his chest. 

After loving her so much that it made him ache, would be the cruelest torture anyone could inflict.

“We’re going to get through this” she petted his cheek.

He smiled in an attempt to reassure her, feeling the crushing devastation as his reality shifted in the opposite direction. There was no winning against a God, no matter how much she believed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Still trying to power through these to catch up! Again I'm not doing ALL the prompts, but I have one of these for nearly every character post s5 as a way to try to speculate on things that may happen in the second half. Expect Lilith, Ella, Michael, and Chloe to come sometime soon! Thanks for all the support! :)


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